Posts made in September, 2010

Mom-to-be shouldn’t stay mum

Posted by on Sep 28, 2010 in uncategorized

My best friend got married three years ago and has been talking nonstop from before the wedding about having kids.She laid out an elaborate time line for when they would get pregnant, when they would have their second, etc. She even was talking often about their early attempts at conceiving. This talk tapered off about six months ago and – as she is not pregnant now – I would guess they are struggling to conceive.Meanwhile, I recently got married. My husband and I have talked about having children for years, but only to each other. I am now pregnant.This should be exciting news to share with a friend I’ve shared so many great moments with in the past. But for some reason this one feels like an insult to her, and I’m worried she will be upset. She said to us once that she “couldn’t handle” if I got pregnant before her, although it was said lightly and interpreted at the time to be in jest. How should I announce this news to my friend?- COTell her straight, and tell her soon. “I have some great news” – because it is great news – “I’m pregnant.”You may think she’s not happy for you – and she may actually think she resents that you’re pregnant. The moment after you tell her, both will likely be true.But please predispose yourself toward forgiveness for this, because her dismay won’t be because you’re announcing a pregnancy, and not even because you conceived before she did. She’ll be upset because she’s struggling to conceive.This might read like a “duh,” but I think it’s important to spell it out when two friends are at risk of mismatching various causes and effects. The thing that will upset her is already in progress and has nothing to do with your news.Ideally, your best friend will have the presence of mind to be your best friend: to express happiness for you and save her own frustration for later – even if “later” is your honest and compassionate conversation two minutes after your announcement.If her angels lose that battle, though, please maintain some perspective as well as forgiveness. This whole exchange will just be a snapshot in two long, complex, changeable lives.Your friend naively boxed herself into a rigid, prefabricated version of her married life. It will take courage and strength for her, and for you, to avoid repeating that mistake with your friendship.

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SOS: Recession-era work force riddled with stress

Posted by on Sep 23, 2010 in uncategorized

Like many workers, Nancy Topolski found herself with more work piled on after her law firm laid off 11 legal secretaries. Topolski soon began stressing over work, losing sleep and making mistakes. One day, the stress erupted into a full-blown panic attack in the office.Trying to keep your cool in workplaces these days has become more difficult. The recession has brought a new set of issues, driving stress to a new level. Three out of every four American workers are on the brink of a meltdown, according to a Fairleigh Dickinson University report.“Workers are being pushed and pushed, and they lack the energy to deal with it,” said Joyce Gioia of The Herman Group, whose specialty is employee retention. She believes that high workloads, fear of job loss, and 24/7 connectivity are the recipe for the highest levels of stress in history.Companies could end up paying the cost through more workers calling in sick, more job-related mistakes and higher turnover.For years, experts have said a little bit of stress is good. But they were referring to the short-term jolt that comes before making a presentation, not the extreme kind prevalent in workplaces today.“We’re way beyond the level of it being motivating,” said Helen Darling, president of the Washington-based National Business Group on Health. “It will be hard to recover economically if we don’t find better ways to help employees address stress.”Walid Wahad, owner of Wahad Construction, a high-end Miami homebuilder, confronts on a daily basis the stress of luring new business and keeping his staff employed.“As a business owner, my responsibility is not to panic or panic privately,” he said “I have to put on a positive face in front of my employees.”Surprisingly, while his type of stress is echoed by most corporate executives, studies show head honchos are less at risk for health issues than one would expect. As it turns out, it’s not really the high-powered, fast-paced executives succumbing to stress. Those who suffer most have unsupportive bosses or hold lower-level jobs with little control over their schedules or work culture, according to studies by the famed neuroscientist Robert Sapolsky.Sure, staying late at the office night after night can be exhausting, but it’s not going to kill you. The person most at risk for stress-induced heart disease isn’t the executive with an endless to-do list – it’s the frustrated janitor, the legal secretary with worries about job security, or the single mother with no flexibility in her hours.Meg Florian, project manager at Wahad Construction, finds that her stressors are different from Wahad’s. “I deal with a lot of subcontractors, and I find people just don’t pay attention. You have to repeat yourself. There’s a lack of care and focus.”Trying to fix mistakes, she said, causes her stress. Florian says she hasn’t found a release – yet. She is considering yoga.Wahad sets the example for his employees; he has fit yoga into his routine for 20 years.He says it makes him a better boss and person. “I leave the company after a day with anxiety, about maybe something that went wrong. Yoga is a filter I go through before I get home. … All the negative energy, I leave it there.”By now, most employers know their workers are dealing with stress, not all of it business-related. “On top of the stress in the workplace, they are stressed about their finances, their kids, their parents. There is so much to worry about right now,” Darling said.“That won’t change until the economy turns around.”

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Dachshund laid low by bum toe

Posted by on Sep 20, 2010 in uncategorized

My 7-year-old dachshund has a swelling between two toes and I am wondering what the cause might be. It started a few months ago and my vet thought it should be removed but tried putting my dog on some antibiotics first to see if it would clear up. The swelling is still there and my dog is starting to occasionally hold his foot up and lick the area. It’s a little reddened and I suspect the obvious need for removal of the small growth. Should I be worried?- L.W.Dear L.W.,There are typically two things I see develop between dogs’ toes and both need to be addressed. The lesser of two evils is when there is a localized infection secondary to a plant fern or piece of material getting under the skin, resulting in a small infected swelling. The other cause is either a benign or malignant cyst or tumor.A fine needle aspirate may be done to give a diagnosis, but it may not always be definitive. If the swelling is causing lameness or discomfort then I would advocate for its removal.Furthermore, I would be sure to have the biopsy done. Depending on what the pathology report reveals, a wider excision or more tissue removal may be necessary. This may well require an amputation of a toe or toes. I have seen various types of tumors in between toes and, depending on the specific nature of the mass, they come with differing prognoses.It seems like your veterinarian recommended the correct approach from the outset. At this point, the redness accompanying the swelling suggests inflammation and an xXray may be needed to see if bone in the toe has been compromised. I am sure your dog’s doctor will do what is appropriate. Good luck.

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School offers mom time to refocus energy

Posted by on Sep 15, 2010 in uncategorized

My son just started kindergarten, but I am the one having a hard time! My days used to be so full with him – now I don’t know what to do with myself, and I feel a little depressed when he is gone. Any ideas?A. Absolutely. If you need to get fit, join a gym – there are some good bargains out there. Some gyms have you work in the daycare for free membership. Volunteer at your son’s school (though not in his classroom, as it’s not good for his independence).Get a job with “mother’s hours,” that way you will be earning your own money and it will help you with your independence. Volunteer to help the community or those less fortunate. Now is not a time to be depressed but to feel liberated. Think about what you would like to do to make the whole family happy – if you aren’t, neither are they.

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Posted by on Sep 10, 2010 in uncategorized

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